生病的童话

4

我看到那女人喉咙上被割了一刀，像个坏掉的洋娃娃一样倒卧在血泊里，那个杀死他的男人握着刀朝我走来，我感到一阵晕眩，倒了下去，而在失去意识前我感到我被抱在一个宽厚的臂弯里，是那个朝我走来的家伙。

我昏倒在罗帅的怀里，在我以为原本应该被鲜血染红的围裙上，我没有感到任何粘湿的触感。

没有血的味道，没有尸体，没有那个叫朵朵的女人，没有人被杀。

一切都像是一场梦。

当我醒来时，我闻到一种熟悉的气味，我不需确认就知道这是罗帅的房间，因为我很清楚他被单的气味以及留在他枕头上头发的味道。

我坐起来，觉得头有点晕，我在床头摸到我的黑框眼镜，我戴上它，走出房门。

我走下楼梯，楼下没有轮椅，没有尸体，也没有血迹，那真的只是梦吗？我不敢肯定。我走到门帘后，掀开帘子，看见罗帅在店里，手中拿着小捞网。

“罗帅！”我出声轻唤。

他回过头，“青苗，你醒了？”他立刻走到我面前，“你突然就昏倒了，怎么回事？又发作了吗？”

我这才想起来，我其实一直有精神方面的毛病，虽然不严重，但需要药物控制，而我已经好久没碰过那些药丸了。

“抱歉……我没有按时吃药。”我说。

他摸了摸我的头发，“幸好我这儿还有一些你的药，你要现在吃吗？”

“嗯。”我点点头。

当他回来时，手上多了一包药跟一杯水。

我就着水把药丸吞了下去，他看着我喝下那杯水，然后接过杯子，吻住我湿润的嘴唇。我站在那里，感觉身上一点力气都没有。

“店里不能放着不管。”我说。

“现在是午休时间。”

午休时间……我昏迷了一上午？

然后我们便躺倒在门帘后的沙发上。

5

我这病已经很久了，但罗帅没有丢下我不管，而是悉心地照顾我，让我待在他身边。

他对我太好了，好到让我感到有些愧疚，我没有什么东西能给他——除了那方面，我宁可希望他要的不是我，而是另外一个女孩，例如朵朵。后来朵朵真的和他在一起了，我便开始害怕寂寞，我害怕独自一人，所以就有了朝阳。

但我还是想要他，所以朵朵跟朝阳都得死。

很多时候我分不清什么是真实，什么是我所想象出来的，真实的人和事物总是与虚幻的那些混在一起，我知道我的病越来越严重，但我仍然尽可能不去服药，因为活在这种半梦半醒的世界里会让我比较安心。

我怕有一天我醒过来，会发现罗帅其实也是我所虚构出的人物。

小时候我常常会虚构出我的幻想朋友，想象我们一起玩得很快乐，起初我只是自欺欺人，但是时间久了，我就发现我真的能看见他们。

跟幻想朋友在一起的时光很快乐，当我在现实世界里受到了委屈，那么在幻想世界里他们便会安慰我，逗我开心，只有他们不会让我伤心，只有他们会接纳我。

至少那时我是这么相信的。

但我知道，如果他们有自己的意识，他们说不定也会讨厌我，从小到大我都知道我是个不讨人喜欢的讨厌鬼，长相平庸，学习也不算好，他们一定会丢下我，一定会的。

所以朝阳走了。

朝阳是跟着我最久的幻想朋友，但也离开我了，我不能接受，所以我在想象的世界里把他杀了，然后丢进了海里。

我想，我应该是讨厌我自己的。

“你不能老是自我厌恶，你要知道在这世上会有人喜欢你的，你有很多讨人喜欢的地方，所以我在这里——因为我喜欢你，你明白吗？”

“是啊，可是你不能向我证明你是真的存在啊，罗帅。”

自从我的幻想世界变得一片血腥后，我就开始乖乖地吃药，不过我也没打算太乖，因为我还是不能从那个世界中抽离，那个地方就像一个脏臭到极点却仍散发出亲切感的温床，随时等着张开双臂拥抱我，而我并不是那么抗拒。

药物也带来一些好处，自从我按时服药后，那些奇怪的幻觉就出现得比较少了，如今没有会飘的金字塔，没有会让我伤心的幻想朋友，只有罗帅在我身边——如果他也是我的幻想朋友的话，那么他应该不是会惹我哭的那一种，至少目前不会。

我这样想着……

Introduce:1 he puts the key on my hand: "After, I won't arrive again here came. " " why? " he did not answer me, just put on him the jacket of that white, go toward the doorway. "The rising sun! " the arm that I hold him, "Your must tells me why! " " I should go, young crops. " he stretchs his hand handholding doorknob hand. Soon he is about, I am captured on the side a thing on the desk, knocked toward his head go down. Everything very resembling is slow-motion broadcast, he attacks, slip slowly next go down, bend over to go up, do not have even throat throat. I look at blood to come out from his afterbrain spoon ooze, at this moment, I just am stupefied be stupefied the ground saw me take the thing —— on the hand the ashtray of an adhesion blood. "Sunny …… " I am vociferous he, he does not have reaction, I dare not touch him, cried a few times more again then, but he still absolutely still. I do not know how to should do, get on ashtray replace desk then, sit to staring at him to look aside. I had thought he himself can wake a little while, but he is done not have. Waited for period of time again, I just persuade myself, he had died. Cannot let him so lie here, this is the conclusion that after spending period of time again, I reach, I must handle him, but I stand over to staring at him to look a little while, still do not have courage to move him, then I decide to wash ashtray go off with clean first. Finally, when must carrying him in the car when me, I from beginning to end not dare orthoptic his face, the eye like that double dead fish lets me feel very terrible, like be like him to wait to be able to come over alive. Be in outside rain heavily, now already very late, there is what person on the street, I open border of dikes and dams all the way, when I jockey, a lorry from the side howl and over- , frightened me jump. When after deciding nobody 4 times, I pull the rising sun rapidly outside dispatch a vehicle, spent effort throws him sea mile. Offing looks very black, I do not decide he is to drop sea mile to still be hanged on breakwater really, nevertheless I also dare not affirm, I sit very quickly into the car again inside, leave next come home. 2 in the morning, I discover my eye is swollen, just remember a course the after the event last night, I bent over to cry to make evening on the bed. I rub an eye, had crossed a body, the thing that sees it is strange to have in the air next is. That is body of triangle of a khaki, resembling it seems that is a pyramid that comes over. I close an eye, stretch again, see it still is over there however, I stretch my hand go catching it, but did not wear quite, body of my sit up goes touching, no matter I am sitting to still stand up,discover however, it stops in me to just touch the height that be less than euqally.